Please get me out of this hell hole.

It's been a while.

Well, I never thought I'd use this again. But here I am, bored on a Saturday night. I'm supposed to be having fun at college, but you know...

I'm not really into that whole partying thing, and at Mizzou, that's pretty much what the whole social life is. So I'm stuck here in my dorm room, pretty much doing nothing every night. At first, I was okay with this, because it was what I was used to doing the summer before I came here. But I was with him. Except now, I'm stuck listening to my thoughts, without any distractions to make them go away.

I miss him...more than anything in the world. I don't wanna be that cliche girl that goes home to stay with her boyfriend. But right now, that's the only thing that will make me happy. And my parents and my sister think they know what will make me happy. But they're completely wrong. They tell me to get involved with school and get a job...but that won't stop my thoughts. It's what I'm thinking about all the time. No matter how hard I try, those thoughts linger and take over. 

Things won't get better merely by ignoring them. I thought that was common sense. But I don't even know what to do...

I know no one looks at my site, but I'm going to do this anyway. And all at once. :)

Your Best Friend

You are the one person I can truly call my best friend. You've always been there for me, you don't judge me, and I know I can tell you anything. From being only 6 months apart, and being cousins, I'm seriously the luckiest person on this planet to have you in my life. I love spending time with you. We have fun no matter what. From our obsession with the Jonas Brothers (which we now have to hide) to us playing guitar together and every single thing we have in common, you are my other half. You complete me. I love you. I always will. :)

Your Crush 

Well, this is hard considering I don't have a crush. I just like people. I realized that I like people who just like me. It doesn't usually start out with me liking someone. I only start liking people when they show interest in me. I guess that means I'm insecure and don't believe I can get someone by myself. But hey, at least it gets me somewhere. And really, I don't know if I can say hooking up with you makes you my crush. I think I may be doing this because you're one of my ex's best friends. Oh yeah, he came over tonight. I guess I'll always like him. God. I don't know how he does that to me. Oh, and there's you. We talk late at night. I know everything you say is a lie, and when we work together, you're just getting a huge ego boost, but that's okay. Because that's what I'm looking for too. But is it bad that inside that I'm hoping that maybe someday this will happen? 

Your Parents

Where can I even start with this? I don't even know why you still love me after I treated you guys like shit for so long. I'm sorry. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. But right now, I can tell you how much I appreciate everything you guys do for me. I'm trying to make you guys proud with everything I do. I know I've made mistakes in the past, and I'm learning from everything I did. I love you guys more than anything. 

Sibling

Well, here we go. You annoy me. I can't stand some of the things you do. I really think you need to grow up. Sometimes I think I have way more common sense than you do. The mere thought of your voice makes me cringe. But I hope you know how horrible I think I am for thinking these things. I really can't help it. I don't know what it is that makes me think these things. I guess it hides the fact that I really do respect you. I look up to you. I do most of the good things in my life because of you. I just want to live up to what you are. I know we're not that close, but I love you big sis. 

Your Dreams

Hmm, you confuse me. I always wake up and think you're real. But sometimes, eventually, you do come true. I think you're trying to tell me what's going to happen in my future. If that's true, I have a whole hell of a lot to look forward to. You also scare me. Why do you like to wake me up in the middle of the night? You let out my worst fears. You make me realize what I truly am.

A Stranger

If you're reading this...congratulations, you're alive. If that's not something to smile about, then I don't know what is. 

Ex

Seriously? Why do you do this to me? Is there something you still want from me? Believe me, I want everything back. Everything. But things were never meant to work out between us. Look at where we were, and where we are. Every single fiber of my being misses you. Why the fuck do you do this to me? I hate you. But I'll always sort of love you.

Person I Hate Most

I have never been able to say I've hated someone as much as I hate you. You took everything from me. I hope it was fucking worth it. Have fun in hell. 

( I skipped a lot )